My whole life I’ve been taught to follow my heart, do what makes me happy, make my own destiny. Time after time I’ve tried and failed at that. I have looked to many things in this world for comfort, for peace, for happiness. The problem is it doesn’t exactly work that way. I’ve been let down each time. It’s like I basically set myself up for failure and disappointment. When we are constantly looking for things that are going to make us happy, we forget it’s temporary, none of it is everlasting . The happiness wears off and we move on to the next thing we think will fulfill us.
There are many things that I am passionate about but not necessarily called to. I’ve gone to college. I have my bachelors degree. That was my passion, my dream come true and well you know as well as I do….life throws us curveballs! So I became a cosmetologist. Again, a dream, and a passion of mine. While I am very passionate about doing hair for clients and happen to be quite good at it, over time I realized it’s not my calling.
I held on tightly to a business/career for 7 years knowing deep down inside it’s not what I was suppose to be doing. I had this inner struggle I hardly ever spoke about. My clientele was high, my retention rate was high, my income was high and kept us afloat. I was always getting referrals. Why would I let this go? When I didn’t feel good enough in every other aspect of my life, this business said otherwise. My heart had become prideful. I had allowed it to create a wedge in my marriage. I thought I was better, I was so slowly taking away what my husband was suppose to be doing. I was hindering his leadership in our household. I had convinced myself I was in control.
Months ago, I was reading in Colossians and read, “set your minds on things above, not earthly things”. It wasn’t the first time I had read this or heard it. But that day it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was then that I realized no more, it’s time to let this go. I couldn’t fight it anymore! I kept trying to though. I thought, why is God doing this? Why does He want me to give this up? This is helping my family. This is good for us. The more I read and prayed the more I realized…I didn’t trust God to provide. I especially didn’t trust Him to provide for us through my husband. God was exposing the ugliness in my heart. I didn’t like it.
It was 4am, and I woke up. I was wide awake. My heart was beating fast and was so so heavy. It was clear. Clearer than I can even describe. It was in that moment, that I knew what I was to do. Let go of my hair business. Give it all to the Lord. Trust my husband as our leader and provider and brace myself. Brace myself to set my mind on the things above and let go of the earthly things. To live a life…braced by faith.