To the boy on the bus: I’ve believed you all this time

We both stand looking in the mirror. I know she’s waiting for me to say something.

In the process of doing her hair for the day.  I begin to tell her how beautiful she is. That she is smart and funny. How pretty her curly hair is.  I tell her how much I love her spirit and heart. She very harshly replies, ” I am NOT pretty or beautiful! I am NOT cute. Don’t call me that!” I asked her why she was saying that and she said she knew that it wasn’t true and didn’t see herself that way. I stopped. My heart hurt. It sunk a little bit. My mind is racing. Where did she get this from? Why does she really believe this?

I looked at her and said, “I say this because you really are beautiful. I say this because I really believe it. Most importantly, Jesus sees you this way.” That’s when she turned and looked at me bright eyed and curious. She said, “What do you mean? How does Jesus see me mommy?”  OH my sweet sweet girl. You are beautiful to Jesus. He sees you as special and says you were wonderfully made. You are a treasure to Him. You were made in His image. You have chosen Him for your life, I want you too see yourself how He sees you. We left the bathroom and got our bibles out. It’s in that moment that I’m sharing Gods word with her and then I realize I’m speaking to myself.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

I’m taken back to middle school. Every morning I dread to get on the bus. I sit in my regular seat and the moment I sit, there he is coming at me. This boy a grade or two above me, starts yelling. “You’re so ugly. You think you’re pretty but you’re not. Why are you wearing that? It’s awful. You’re such a wannabe. You seriously are so ugly.” Every. Single. Day. He would make fun of the freckles on my face. As if I had anything to do with putting them there! No one stops him. I tell him to leave me alone, it gets worse. I look out the window. He will not see me cry!

As I sit on my bed, I realize how much I’ve let these lies speak into my life. These lies from this one boy have been deeply embedded in me. I have walked through life thinking this is true. I start to see how it’s affected me. I don’t let people take pictures of just me. I don’t take compliments well. I don’t believe people when they tell me something positive about myself. The list goes on and on.

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I look at my sweet girl and tell her that we are beautiful with tears in my eyes. I tell her to never think otherwise. To seek the truth in Jesus and how He made her. Believing otherwise is denying the work of God. We are His masterpieces and there is no one else that will ever love her to death as much as He did. He is our only source of truth.

It sure is hard to deal with a rejection of your past head on like that. To see your child struggle through something you want to protect them from. The truth for me, for her and for you. I am already loved.  I am a loved person. The approval of man does not define me. Gods love is not based on me or what someone says about me. Gods love is placed on me! Walk in the freedom of who God designed you to be!

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